100 Ways To Kill a Doctor: Neanderthal Solution
by Shenandoah76209
Summary: You never know when an empty elevator shaft will come in handy. Or for who.


Rules:

1\. Sheldon/Penny – They can be platonic, romantic, smutty, Super Heroes/Villains, etc.

2\. Leonard/Amy's death MAY occur anytime from the Pilot thru Season 9

3\. The death must be completed in a single chapter, although you are welcome to contribute as many different forms of death as you like as long as they are a chapter each.

4\. The story must be no more than 1,500 words long.

5\. Deadline is October 31, 2015.

* * *

 **100 Ways To Kill a Doctor: Neanderthal Solution**

He thought she'd come back. They'd broken up before and she'd always come back. But this time she was dating other guys, rubbing it in his face. Even that Halloween party had been out of the norm behavior.

All his usual ploys weren't working. And that was just unacceptable. Penny belonged with him. He'd waited around for her to come to her senses long enough.

* * *

Okay so he hadn't actually planned to kill them. He'd grabbed the guy outside Penny's apartment, recognizing him vaguely as one of the guys she'd dated. And he'd been threatening him, roughing him up just a little bit when he hit just a touch too hard. The guy obviously had a glass jaw.

So he'd picked him up and pushed the doors of the elevator open, figuring he'd dangle the guy over the shaft and scare him a little more.

Only the guy didn't wake up. And he wasn't breathing either.

He wouldn't have dropped him down the elevator shaft if the ugly brunette in granny clothes hadn't stomped up the stairs and wanted to know what he was doing. She was a little weird, but looked torn between demanding he answer her and staring at him like he was a steak and she was starving.

Her voice was really irritating though and he was so startled he dropped the guy. After that she was pretty shocked, so he grabbed her and threw her after him. She kinda screamed going down but that ended pretty quick when she hit the bottom.

After that he pushed the doors to the elevator shut again and left the building. He'd come back for Penny another time.

* * *

"Penny where is Leonard?" Sheldon didn't even open with a hello.

"Whadda ya mean 'where's Leonard'? He's asleep, like I should be," Penny groaned. "It's before eight in the damn morning Sheldon. I'm on late shifts all this week. Don't think that punch you in the throat before eleven AM is just a bluff."

"Leonard is not in bed. Leonard is not in our apartment. Therefore I posited that he was with you, attempting once again to 'romance' you." Sheldon shook his head.

"I haven't seen Leonard since Tuesday." Penny shook her head. "When did you last see him?"

"When he informed me that he was going to ask you to the movies. That was Friday evening." Sheldon retorted.

"Well he never came and asked me, so maybe he changed his mind," Penny shook her head.

"As if Leonard would ever do something so sensible." Sheldon denied the possibility.

"Then check with Howard and Raj, or at work. Maybe he went in."

"We were to meet here to embark on our weekly paintball game and Leonard would not miss that." The physicist argued. "He knows we need a minimum of four people to not be entirely trounced."

"Well I dunno what to tell you sweetie, but he's not here." Penny was slowly waking up.

"Would you accompany us for paintball Penny? Since it seems Leonard has abandoned us?" Sheldon sounded almost pleading or conciliatory.

Penny looked back towards her warm bed and sighed. There was no way she'd be able to go back to sleep. "Yeah, why not. But you'll have to lend me a helmet and stuff. I don't have any gear."

"I have spare equipment," Sheldon smiled his sweet little happy smile.

* * *

When they returned to the apartment after paintball the police were in the lobby. Sheldon sighed when they were detained and their paintball guns examined before they were allowed to continue upstairs.

"What was that about?" Penny asked as she stripped off the borrowed gear and began to clean it per Sheldon's meticulous instructions.

"Haven't got the foggiest." Howard shrugged and began to unhook Raj from his harness. "Has anyone heard from Leonard?"

There was a unanimous checking of cellphones and a shaking of heads. "Maybe we ought to go tell those cops that he's missing?" Penny suggested quietly.

Sheldon sighed but conceded the wisdom of such a plan.

* * *

Turns out they didn't have to go very far to find Leonard.

The police took their statements, when they'd last seen Leonard. And then when they'd last seen Amy. At that point Sheldon and Penny sat down on the steps and answered every question they could as thoroughly as they could. Which was, for Sheldon, quite thorough.

Finally they asked about enemies, if they'd seen anything strange around the building, anything out of the ordinary. Sheldon had immediately begun listing anything he found strange, ending with, "And I also saw Kurt here last week."

Penny blinked at him, coming out of her shock induced fog. "Kurt? My ex Kurt?"

"Ex ma'am?" The cops were quick to jump on that and Penny explained about her lousy cheating ex and his penchant for hitting/bullying people smaller than himself. That, as Sheldon added, was just about everybody.

Penny gave them Kurt's address and leaned against Sheldon's side in exhaustion once the police left.

"Penny, I think, for added security, it might be best if we relocated to a different domicile," Sheldon suggested after a moment. "Kurt knows where you live."

"Where we live," Penny corrected. "I dunno Sheldon, I can't exactly afford to move."

"Part of my reason for wanting a roommate was in order to save money for a down-payment on a house." Sheldon explained. "It would be a simple matter to purchase a home and rent part of it to you. Kurt doesn't know who I am and if you aren't on the papers he'd have no way of finding you."

"Are you sure you wouldn't mind honey?" Penny looked at him worriedly.

"I would not have offered if I minded," Sheldon shrugged as if it were no big deal.

"Okay, you find a house you like and I'll pay you rent." Penny nodded.

* * *

It didn't take the police long to find Kurt. Or to break his alibi. His hand prints all over the elevator doors on the fourth floor were just icing on the cake.

Penny was busy packing when the police came to tell her and Sheldon that they'd arrested her ex. Even though Kurt was going to be in jail for a long time they still felt that moving was a good idea. Sheldon had found a house close to campus and it was a reasonable drive to her workplace.

Being roommates was going to be a big change but life was full of changes these days. What was one more?

* * *

 _Author's Note: So I actually thought this was one of my more realistic ideas. I mean...Kurt isn't exactly a model of good behavior. As always flaming trollish reviewers are thanked for driving up the page views._


End file.
